The following is the eulogy I wrote and read at my Dad’s funeral. Once read, you can clearly see the man that most impacted my life. I only wish I had saw this sooner and told him these things. It is with much regret he didn’t receive the respect from me that he most definitely deserved. This will have to serve as that now.
I know the word ‘Daddy’ sounds childish, like a little girl calling for her father, but I am that little girl – always have been and always will be. At least of the man Roger Preston Smith, that’s my father and the man I call Daddy. I would like to share a few words about him for I knew him better than anyone. I knew his desires, his fears, his regrets, and pretty much his way of thinking. He never told me these things, but if you spend time with someone you can figure these things out. I’ve heard stories from a lot of you here today about how my Daddy helped you out at one time or another. Some financially, some physically, and some just a shoulder to cry on as the saying goes, but for you men I will use the phrase ‘a listening ear’.
My Daddy grew up poor, very poor and I’m sure kids made fun of him at times because that’s what kids do regardless of it being right or wrong. He had a speech impediment that I know caused great embarrassment. These things, being poor and having a speech impediment, impacted his life in major ways – some good, some bad. I believe the pain of feeling less than while growing up caused him to find an escape other than God for a while. Always feeling less than and insecure in who he was, he worked hard to have money and find a place where he felt safe and secure. He finally found this place in God. He could relate to those not having much and went out of his way to help. Sometimes the help he showed and gave was talked about by others as if he had wrong motives in helping. Even I have been guilty of thinking those things and taking it a step further by telling him. How terrible for a man’s goodness to be talked about in the worst of ways and by his own daughter is even worse. I’m so sorry Daddy for words that cut and acts not appreciated. My Dad could see a little boy’s pain and through that saw himself as a little boy and reached out to help. No matter what I thought concerning his deeds nor what anyone else may have thought, the truth is that it was his to do with as he wanted and who am I to say that God didn’t speak to him concerning this. He was a friend to many and never felt that he was above or better than another. In fact, he preferred friends that others might think of as less than. Over and over he would reach out a hand to those that needed it causing some to tell him he was not making good decisions. I mean how many times does someone need rescued and helped out of the same hole they have fallen in before? Well, I can tell you the answer to that question, ‘as many times as God leads you to help’ for I am one of those he rescued and rescued repeatedly. Thank God for the perfect Daddy.
This talk of impure motives weighed heavily on him. I can only imagine how he must have felt. Words hit hard and talk is cheap, but the damage they can do to a person is devastating and they cannot be taken back. But, he never let the words of others stop him from carrying the weight of a small, innocent child. I wonder if he thought back to the time when he was a poor little boy and decided if he could help a kid, he would. Let me tell you all that he helped more than one child that was not his flesh and blood and that is perfectly OK according to God. What he may have lacked in giving to my brother and I when we were young, he made up for in the lives of other children. I’m quite sure one of his regrets was the relationship he had with my brother and I when we were children.
My Daddy had a lot of gifts. I only wish I had saw them sooner. He was a giver, he was compassionate, he was an encourager, he was a friend and so much more. I certainly hope some of his gifts and traits become evident in my own life. My Dad was very saving with his money, at least on himself. He didn’t wear designer clothes, he didn’t drive the newest and flashiest vehicle, he didn’t live in an expensive home. This wasn’t because he didn’t want to, but he rather others have those things if he could help. He would do without to help another out and he did without a lot. He always told me he wanted to build me a house and I know this to be true. Let me tell you, my Daddy built me many homes in what he gave to me. He always worried about me and I’m sure this caused great stress. I wish I could take all things back, have a do over, so to speak. I would give anything to have him back, healthy and whole, but as you know this cannot be done. When it is over here, there are no more chances to make things right. The past comes back to sit with you with all the sorrow, pain and regret. This is why it is so important to open your eyes to truth and open your hearts to love while you can.
It’s strange how we fail to receive a gift of change in a person. We stay stuck in the past blinded with feelings and emotions of long ago and we fail to see the new creation in a person until it is too late. My Daddy stepped up to the plate when my brother passed away. He told my Mom that he would fill the shoes of my brother with his two girls and he did just that. He gave to my daughter the same as he did for my nieces, always stating he wanted to be fair. I cannot attempt to share the many many ways he helped me. Time is not long enough for me to tell.
I believe God gave me about 3 months to be with my Daddy day in and day out. Time for me to understand that soon my Daddy would be taken from me. I thank God for those 3 months for I got to give just a little back to a man that gave lavishly. He was never big on hugs or words like I love you, at least not with me, but I saw this side of him with my daughter and nieces. I knew it was there and often wondered why not me? I now understand that the pain was too deep for him to look at the past. So, instead of looking at it and making amends somehow, he gave me money. He thought and believed this showed his love for me. I guess I should have saw it that way as well, but I never did. We talked about this in the 3 months before he passed. He never knew I didn’t see this and I never knew he thought I should have. Mixed communication, I guess. But, in the end he gave me what I always needed and wanted. He told me he loved me and gave me a hug. And, I gave him my time and care of taking care of him at home.
I know without a doubt he is in a place I can only imagine. Walking the streets of gold, rejoicing with Mamaw and Papaw and all his siblings gone before. The one thing I know for sure because I asked him this very question just a week before he passed was who he wanted to see first when he got to heaven, besides Jesus, of course. His answer was quick and brought tears to my eyes. ‘My son’ he said in a very low and solemn voice, with his head tilted down. I believe he got his wish and one day soon, I too, will see them both. Oh, what a day that will be, rejoicing and praising God Almighty with all my loved ones and the man I call Daddy. Rest in peace, my precious Daddy. I will love you forever.
This is the man that most impacted my life. Be blessed.
When God Speaks 
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