When God Speaks

As my thoughts slowly drift back in time to places and people encountered along the way, melancholy sets in. I try to understand why such sadness engulfs me, to make sense out of yesteryear, but as hard as I try, reasoning escapes me.

I stay in this place a while longer hoping to find a clue to this madness in my mind. My search goes unfulfilled and the answers I seek evade me. I see chaos in every scene I encounter. Unfulfilled dreams, regrets, anger, blame and unforgiveness swirl around me.

Frantically, I look for a sliver of hope. Hope that all has not been in vain. Hope that just one thing or person touched by my life will produce something beautiful. Hope that makes memories that will last a lifetime. Hope that I might be remembered if only by one person as someone worth remembering. My search falls short and I’m engulfed even more with sadness. Sadness at a life wasted, thrown away with no do-overs granted.

As I begin to make my way back something causes me to give pause. For the briefest of moments I turn away, fighting that feeling of hope. Too many times I’ve traveled this road only to have my hopes squashed. Against my better judgement I decide to stay just a moment longer.

I turn and open my eyes to the most beautiful thing ever encountered. Hope stands in front of me beckoning me to come closer. I draw nearer and with a voice so soft you could almost miss it I hear these words, ‘You are perfect. You are exactly where you should be. All you have experienced in your past have made you who you are today. They were lessons that until you learned them you were doomed to repeat them. Don’t look at your past as failure, but as a training ground. Training you to become who you are today. Today, you must look ahead, not behind. Take these lessons and use them to make a difference today’. Hope stood in front of me wiping away all the sadness that had surrounded me for so many years.

As I turn to begin my journey back to the present, Hope whispers one last thing, ‘Never look back again. Turn your mind to the present for there you will find your purpose’. With tears flowing down my face, I realize that I am free. Free of the past, free of sadness, free to live life with hopeful anticipation and that these tears are ones of joy, not sadness.