When God Speaks

As I sit in the cool of an Alabama evening, something grabs my attention and beckons up ahead. Flashes of images that I’ve seen before begin to flood my mind then I’m off and running. Running down a lane that seems quite familiar has emotions coursing through me that I thought were dead. Then all of a sudden without any warning I’m standing in a place called Memory Lane. As much as I fight it I can never win, this walk must be taken whatever the cost.

Tears begin to flow and I brace myself for whatever comes at me I never know. Tears of sadness or joy seem to always accompany me on this walk. This path I’ve taken many times before but the emotions I encounter have a mind of their own. The path laid before me is narrow and sure for there is no veering to the left or the right.

My steps pick up speed and before I know it I am standing at a window in ’76. I look inside and find a family of four getting ready for church on a Wednesday night. Then all of a sudden terror rings out because the word is out that a tornado is on the ground. This family of four gets ready to roll and before I know it the storm has passed.

As my eyes adjust to the road ahead I’m swept up and away into 1980. I see a young girl who seems to hide her pain with whatever she can find to do this with. I see boys, parties, friends and school all threw together til ’84. Then before I know it, this girl becomes a woman and decides that marriage is the path to take. With no money for college her dreams slowly die. So, she runs to the altar screaming, ‘I do’. One year later she becomes a Mom to the sweetest child ever to grace this earth. With no examples of how a Mother should be she relies on fantasies that are never real.

I close my eyes holding back the tears and before I know it, it is 1992. Settled in Atlanta with an awesome job, she is climbing the corporate ladder as fast as she can. With her eyes on the prize and no thoughts for another, she makes her career priority number 1. This woman is headed for a fall she will regret. Living by the motto, ‘If it feels good do it’, she feeds her flesh like no other. The bottom falls out and I see her scrambling but no hope is left for this life she made.

Tears begin to flow and I try to yell out, but my words are silenced by you can’t change the past. As she reaches for a lifeline, she finds one nearby. So, the next few years are ups and downs. Then, before I know it I see a blessing ahead. Now the tears that flow are tears of joy. She meets her soul mate and life is good, but boredom latches on and you know the rest.

My walk takes a turn and it’s 2005 where pain is experienced like never before. I stand at a window watching grief unfold. Her one and only sibling is taken just like that. Life goes on, but is never the same. She just learns to live with holes in her heart. Her blessing remains and for that I am glad cause God only knows how alone she must feel.

I run ahead and it’s 2019. A year I know to be the hardest of all. Within six months, this family of four is reduced to just one, with her Mom & Dad taken away just like that. She scrambles and tries to make up for the past but giving is hard when there is little to give. How do you make up for a life never lived? The pain is deep and it never heals, you just learn how to live with the holes in your soul.

Five years later and life settles down. If not for God, this story would have died. What lies ahead we never know, but hopefully she learns from the past somehow. My walk down this lane is nearing the end as I remember wise words that my Mom used to share. ‘When you get older, the past will come back to sit with you’ are words she gave me to ponder on. I’ve remembered those words each time I’ve took a walk, a walk down and through Memory Lane.

As I finish this walk I can’t help but know that I will make it again real soon. For when the past comes back to sit with you, this walk is a must, a must to be taken.