When God Speaks

I never understood the meaning of ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ until I lost my husband suddenly. Grief makes the mind revisit times when life was wonderful; although at the time it may not have seemed so wonderful.
When a part of you is yanked away in a flash and your life is flipped upside down absence grows and grows until you cannot breathe while grief slowly chokes the life from you.
Why is it that when someone is gone that absence makes your heart remember all the times you took for granted? All the times that were special, but you didn’t think twice about? I cannot give the answer to that question, but I can tell you it happens and if not very careful that absence will choke the life from you.
In my grief, I didn’t get mad at God. I didn’t get mad at my husband. I just kept asking why? Why did this have to end this way? I knew the answer deep down I guess, but the answer only made me mad at myself. I had made my husband my idol. I placed him above God. Not intentionally, but I did. God didn’t take him because of my sins, or did He? I don’t know. God is good and there is no bad in Him so why do I feel so sad? Life without my husband is gone and the part of my life that had meaning is gone as well. What do I do now?
I turn to God. I make Him my idol, my everything. I put God where He should be, at the top. I may never know the true answer to my whys, but I will remember that God is always good whether I understand the whys or not. I will also remember all the times that were special as absence continues to make my heart grow more and more fond of my gift of a wonderful husband taken way too soon.