When God Speaks

Have you ever had an emotional pain that almost consumes you? The tears won’t stop, every memory cripples you and you have no control of your emotions? When you lose someone that has been your other half for years the pain is worse than any physical pain ever. Life continues on around you and you don’t understand why. Why is the world not stopping? Why did you not have notice? At least, a little. Maybe you did, but paid no attention.

When you love someone with everything in you and the last 27 years have been just you & him, life stops for you. This love is rarely seen today and unless you have experienced it you just don’t know. I was blessed with the experience of a love like that and the pain of being left behind is excruciating. Half of you is gone. What do you do? How do you move on when you don’t want to? Tears flow endlessly and continually with no end in sight.

You wonder why you didn’t know. Hindsight is 20/20 but does you no good now. You wonder if they knew somehow and didn’t share it with you. Why would he leave me? I can’t get mad, at least not yet because the sorrow is too heavy. If anything would break me, this did. I am broken beyond words. Sackcloth & ashes for me and maybe for the rest of my life. No one can ever compare so there is no looking forward to that. If they could compare, I don’t want it anyway. I just want my other half back and that won’t happen.

I want to tell him how wonderful he was & is. I want to tell him how much I loved him. I want to tell him I’m sorry for not realizing how wonderful he was and telling him. I want to tell him how his love made me better. I want to touch him just one more time. To feel his arms around me whispering sweet things in my ear. I want him to know there will never be another like him. He was my soul mate and only him. I want to feel the safety I felt with him. There are so many things I want to tell him now, but it is too late. I waited too long. I hope he knows that all these things I want to tell him and somehow, someway I hope he can hear my heart even now.

I want to believe he is watching over me. That he sees me and continues to love me. Or did I wait too long?