When God Speaks

As I lay in the ashes of what my life has become with no energy or desire to rise, I wallow in pain and memories of you.  How do I go on without you? The emotional pain is far worse than any physical pain I’ve encountered. My thoughts stay on times of you and I. I’m stuck in yesterday.

Life doesn’t look hopeful. I see no future lying ahead. All I see are pictures of a life I loved but is no more. How does one get up? What direction will my life take now? Honestly, I don’t have the energy to even look. I cover my heart and announce no one will ever get in again. It hurts too bad.

I wonder silently how long this season will last. Already it feels too long. Just when I think the tears are over another geyser of wet rolls out and my heart is broken all over again. Oh the pain. What can I do?

I just sit and wait. Releasing every emotion  back to the past I wait anxiously for instruction. Nothing. No answer, no instruction, nothing at all. They say there is a time for everything but is there really? Or are those words just words to use when a person doesn’t know what to say. I continue waiting. On what I am not sure, but hopefully when it comes I will know and rush to grab hold of it.

As the ashes of you sit beside my bed I pray. Pray for answers. Pray for strength. Pray for hope. I pray I see the answer when it comes. These ashes bring no comfort, no hope, no anything to help me get up and go on. They just sit silently in the urn beside my bed.

I will continue looking to see what lies ahead.